You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
