Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
