Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
