Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
