Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
