I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
