i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
