Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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