Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Michael Bay diarrhea
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
