it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
