Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
