girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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