He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
