I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
