you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
