I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
