His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
