Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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