How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
