I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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