I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
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