Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
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