I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
