there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
