Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
