they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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