I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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