someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
