Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
