so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
