TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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