I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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