I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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