Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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