3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
