You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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