It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
