The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
