I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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