Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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