god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
