im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
