i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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