Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
