feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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