i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
