so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
