I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
