The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
