Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My penis needs a shock collar
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
