They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
