who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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