I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Let's paint friendship bongs
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
