Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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