why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
